He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize