theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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