i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
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