I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
