how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
