how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
