I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Randomize
