Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
