You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
We're too hungover to prance.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
