you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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