i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
