Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Randomize
