Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
