The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Fuck me I smell like cheese
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
