Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
