Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
