Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Randomize
