Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
