I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Randomize
