Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
