hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
