Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
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