Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
