**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
