I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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