Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
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