i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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