By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
