shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
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