I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
