you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize