I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
