I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
