we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
