I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
