chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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