i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Randomize
