quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
