Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
