Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
