my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
