So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
