Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
