Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
