Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
