Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
