In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
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