I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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