I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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