You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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