before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
