i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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