Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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