i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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