Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
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