just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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