guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Randomize
