So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
