Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Dear god my vagina.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
