Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
