I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
