if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
