dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize