She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
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