if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
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