i permit you to call me
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
