she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
