I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
