I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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