I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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