Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
